A probing question

I learned this week the benefits to having a birthday fall on a Monday- you get to celebrate all weekend.  On Saturday, my mom offered to babysit so that Bill & I could go out for a date.  True, we spent the early part of the evening in a Comic Book store, after which we were called home, because we somehow angered the birthday gods, and were hit by hurricane-force winds & rain, and the kids & mom were left with no power & no flashlight.  We eventually did end up somewhat salvaging the night (after trying to get a table at 4 different restaurants) & had a nice meal out.

Sunday we celebrated with dinner at my mom’s- Fettucine Carbonara & Chocolate Chip Cheesecake- yum!  And then, of course, on the big day itself, I had been looking forward to Crab legs for dinner on Monday. 

The only other slight glitch was that I needed to make a doctor’s appointment, & the first opening they had was on my birthday.  I’ve been in for this problem before, just some minor pain, if you can even call it that, on my left side.  It started after I had Wyatt, & I’ve already had a bunch of tests that came back negative, but I like to have it checked every now & then.  Ok, I thought, no big deal, they’ll just order some more tests & I’ll be on my way.  I didn’t mind being there at all, I even joked with the nurse about it being my “me time” since the kids were with my mom (again- thanks mom!). 

Due to the fact that our family practice is a teaching facility, there are always new residents coming in to replace the doctors that have finished their residency.  I’ve never heard of anyone getting the same doc twice (unless you are willing to wait several months, I guess).  So anyway, the doc goes through the normal questions, “When did the pain start?  Can you describe it?  Can you associate it with any activities?” 

“No, no, no,  well, maybe…… the other night I had a burger & it seemed to flare up a bit.  Ok, so fatty foods might be a trigger….. ”

More questions, questions, questions: “Ok, so when was your last ultrasound?  Ovaries ok?”


Then, the doctor (I should mention a male doctor, probably a few years younger than me) asked me some VERY personal questions, after which he says:

“Well, let me run this by my attending, and then we’ll either order a colonoscopy, or do a rectal swab before you leave.”


He leaves the room for like, 25 minutes, the whole time I’m left there, thinking,  “I had to come in today, I couldn’t just schedule this for another day….. great…. now I’m faced with a RECTAL SWAB on my BIRTHDAY, from some guy I’ve never even met before….. and my only consolation is that I might get off the hook with a colonoscopy instead….

Let me just tell you, that was the longest 25 minutes….

Finally, he comes back in & gives me the good news– no butt probing, just a simple blood test.  Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!  And can you please kiss your attending for me?

When I got home, this was waiting for me:

A beautiful print from the Bird Nerd,  courtesy of the sweet & wonderful Jessiqua…  despite almost being violated by a stranger, it ended up being a very happy birthday after all…  thanks to my awesome family & friends, and especially my husband, for making me feel so special and loved.


14 Responses

  1. Happy Birthday Lauren! I find it funny that you tied having a Monday birthday to having a “birthday week.” My husband’s birthday was on Friday & we celebrated on Friday, Saturday & Sunday. I woke up to a sign on my wipeboard on Monday saying “Have a Happy Birthday Week Monday. Let’s get started!” Tuesday’s sign said “Happy Birthday Week, Tuesday ROCKS!”
    Today it says “Birthday Week Rolls On, Wild Wednesday!” He has been trying to tell me that his birthday week actually goes all the way through until the following Sunday because of the Friday birthday. So his Friday birthday gives him a 10-day week. He won’t be receiving any more presents or parties from me though!

  2. ” especially my husband, for making me feel so special and loved.”

    You know this whole post is just ripe for any of my brothers to make nasty jokes.

  3. Happy Birthday and glad you made it out of the doctor’s office without the butt probing.

    That is a beautiful picture. Is it one of her paintings, prints or collages? They are very interesting and I love that they have such a nice texture to them. The paintings don’t even look like paintings.

  4. I’m glad you were able to salvage your birthday, in spite of the fates almost having their way with you. 🙂

  5. Happy Birthday for Monday – it sounds like you will have this birthday etched in your mind for all the rest 🙂 what more could you want! You will just have to remember your age for future reference.
    Have a GREAT week to go with it all.

  6. My birthday was on Monday too, and I spent it in the pediatrician’s office with an itchy rashy kid – not quite as bad as a possible butt probe, but still not exactly how I wanted to spend my birthday.

    Happy birthday!!! 🙂

  7. Happy Birthday. Glad your birthday turned out ok, after all the trouble they left you in. I bet it was the longest 25 minutes!

  8. I probably found this site through your husband’s (not that I know how I found his), but just now made the connection that you two are married (it takes me awhile).
    Anyway – we got our cow bib yesterday and I love it! So cute. And well made! And the baby likes it too. Come and see! It’s featured in my post today!

  9. Happy belated birthday.!!! I am a firm believer in Birthday Week! Glad you avoided the probe!

  10. A memorable birthday I must say!

  11. Happy Belated Birthday. Glad it all worked out and that you did NOT have to “bend over” for the doctors. Ewwww!

  12. This is a new record. your post just made me say “OH!” about five different ways.

    hooray for no probing, and a very happy belated birthday.

  13. REALLY resisting some terribly inappropriate jokes here….this isn’t Bill’s blog, after all.

    (Happy belated birthday!)

  14. i am gonna show this to my friend, man

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