The Dog Did It– I Swear!!

I’ve mentioned before that we have a particularly flatulent dog.  Not only is she flatulent, but she is on a steady diet of kibble and her own feces (sorry, but it’s true).  As I’m sure you can imagine, when she lets loose, the smell is so rank and foul, it could probably kill a colony of bees.  Well, at the very least smoke them out, but… I doubt you’d want anything to do with the honey at that point.

Anyway, onto my story.  I was not present at the time, but Max recently made friends with a little boy his age that lives up the street while on a walk with Wyatt & Bill.  The little boy was out front playing with his older brothers, and, according to Bill, they started all chasing each other & from that point on, it was kismet.  Eventually, the boys’ mom came home from work, and she & Bill had a nice chat while the boys popped in & out of the house.  I got to hear all about his new friends when they all came home that night.

The other evening, two of the three boys rode by our house on their bikes while we were outside landscaping. Bill invited them over to play, they said no thanks, but waved hi to Max & Wyatt & kept riding.  I went in the house & a few minutes later Bill called me downstairs because the boys decided to come back to play after all, and they brought their little brother.  Their mom also popped over to say hi & presumably meet me. 

After the introductions, new neighbor friend & I settled into a conversation in the kitchen while the boys played out back.  We talked about the school district, parenting, the typical stuff.  She was nice & petted Luna (the dog) when she came for some attention.  Satisfied she got what she wanted, Luna moved into the family room to settle in for the evening.

Do you see where this is going?  We continued our conversation when it hit….. undeniable.  The stench…. unavoidable.  Suddenly my new neighbor friend and I found ourselves engulfed in a miasmal cloud of putrescence.  We had just been crop dusted by the dog.  There was no way to ignore it, I had to address the issue before someone passed out. It was just the two of us standing there, Luna wasn’t even anywhere near us anymore.  I knew the truth, but would she?  I WANTED. TO. DIE!!

“I’m so sorry, ” I said, “our dog has the nastiest gas… it’s embarrassing”.


Do you know what she then said??


“Oh, sure,”  with a ‘knowing’ smile and patting her belly, ” a little bit of pregnancy gas, hmmm?”


I think we’re going to be fast friends. 😉


5 Responses

  1. …I don’t think they will be playing at our house anytime soon.

  2. ROTFL!!!!!!

    How embarassing! But in a house full of boys and dogs farting the norm!

  3. Hi Lauren,

    I regularly follow your site, as well as Bill’s and find them delightful and fun! Having said that, I’m going to “stick my nose in your business”!

    May I suggest you call your vet to see if the reason Luna eats her feces is that she is “hungry”? Not that you don’t feed her, but the dog food you provide may be so full of fillers that she is getting almost no nutrition and has to eat the only other thing she can find – her own feces.

    My daughter did a study once on the pet food industry and it’s appalling. People deal with all sorts of bad pet behaviors not knowing that their animals are starving inside with no other way to express it.

    I don’t have any pets right now, (I’ve had dogs and later, cats) but found when I switched to a higher grade of cat food that I had less to clean out of the litter box. When there is less filler or useless product in the food, the animals don’t cast it off. Also, less gas produced because of fermenting waste. (less gas, less embarrassement, eh?)

    Here is an article you may want to read:

    I hope you don’t find this meddlesome, it was just a thought.

  4. Hysterical. I once had a partner in my office. While he was talking to me, he farted. The poor man turned beat read, so I pretended I didn’t notice. Ten minutes after he left another partner came in and had a scrunched up face the entire time he as speaking to me.

  5. You just found your BFF!!

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